What Does A Cup of Coffee and a First Date have in common?

We get so excited knowing we’re going out on a date with someone for the first time; referred to as a first Date. Left wondering what we should wear to impress, the one we’re meeting.
Should you wear heels or flats? Among much more!

The adrenalin takes us over the top as we shop for something new to impress something old; not knowing if the coffee is cold brewed,  hot or not.

A Coffee Date:
The aroma of coffee, many times don’t match up to the mouth-watering taste we can create from its smell.  We try to imagine its savor while being drawn in closer by the fragrance.   Now, you’re close enough to sample it, as you slowly attempt to position your lips on the rim of the coffee cup the steam from the heat overcomes you. So, you back away from the heat, and blow to cool it down. The coffee is now at the right temperature. You take your first sip, and you’re disappointed that your taste pallet wasn’t satisfied.

That’s Fair and Dandy: 
Fair, you were attracted from the scent brewing, and you had never thought about how you liked your coffee with or without sugar, cream, or black along with many other flavor choices.

Now, you’re Disappointed:
Your face has drawn downward with a mouth full of hot coffee that’s too hot to swallow. The heat from the coffee still lingers, and you find it difficult to speak. You decide to text someone, to pick you up and politely tell your date an emergency has aroused you need to leave. Frantically in a hurry and all puffed up you say to your date: “I’ll call you” and never do.

Before the Date
You were caffeinated and now leaving decaffeinated.
Have you ever experienced this? Or were you an experience of this (Left behind) where they said they would call and never have?
Share one of your odd dates where you wanted to leave. How did you manage? I would love to hear your story. Post it below.

A Perfect Lesson for a First Date:
First, remember it’s a date an event at a given place and time. First, you don’t know them, and they don’t know you. When meeting someone for the first time, people have a tendency to talk too much, and when the date is over, they leave without knowing anything about the other person. First, we knew nothing about the individual, and when we leave, we still don’t know anything about the individual. We only learned more about ourselves; not knowing how we like our coffee iced or hot?

A logic way to keep an event, which is a date alive, is to look at it as drinking a cup of coffee. For example, if you’ve never had a cup of coffee and you love the way it smells. Often smelling it on the job or venues you’ve attended. The fragrance often will prompt you with a desire to try it for the first time and then you finally go and grab a cup only killing the curiosity about the taste. Or, you’re an avid coffee drinker who’s now having their second or third cup.

Look at a cup of coffee like a first date with Keeping a few things in mind.

Whole Beans: You may need to put in a coffee grinder. You may have to tear this person down and rebuild him/her by showing them a different way of doing things. They could very well be someone on the healthy side of living and physically fit. They enjoy exercising, going to the outdoor events, and very conscientious about how they look and takes baths in cologne or perfume. On your first date if you smell them first before you see or hear them. He/she is a whole bean that needs a little grinding.

Ground Coffee: This person could have very well been through the hammer with a failed relationship. During their conversation, they may regularly talk about their past relationship. Prepare yourself to be called the other person’s name. They’ll compare you to the other person consistently. This person will require a lot of your attention. They’ll constantly want you to prove to them that you love them. You never can do enough or be sufficient for this person because there’s nothing else there. The fine grains are everywhere, and sometimes it’s hard to clean them up. Once they’ve already been through the grinder, they get under things you can’t even reach. This person may need therapy and if you’re a therapist go for it. You must be very compassionate, patient and understanding he/she may go off any given time or place w with you ending up to be the scapegoat.

Roasted Bean: Have had many challenges in life, gone through the fire and came out like pure gold. Have been married before and wants a second chance or even third. Both parents were involved in their upbringing. This person is on a spiritual journey very bold with the will power to change the world. You can build with a person of this caliber, but there are so many different kinds, and It all depends on how the bean was harvested, dry or wet. The root supports the whole coffee bean and background. In other words, how were the beans cultivated from the ground or genetically modified, Organic and nurtured with care? Italian, French, Colombian, or Jamaican. The beans are roasted carefully with intense heat to get the right flavor of bold or even Smokey. Very strog….

Instant Coffee: A person who has been brewed and tired. They’ll settle for anyone that’ll give them attention. Been everywhere experienced everything somebody in a relationship could’ve experienced. Once you add the heat, they’ll be at your beckoned call. This person is afraid to speak out against things they disagree about, has the feeling of not being worthy of love and will extend themselves in any form or fashion. In other words, they’re brewed and freeze dried with a lower self-esteem. You’ll simply need to add hot water, sip, and sip and watch as they dance to your music.

Things to Remember:
All coffee start off growing from a flowering bush and then the seed from the fruit is taking out and dried. The bean is green and carefully roasted by a master roaster who observe not to over roast knowing it can cause the beans to burst into fire. The longer the bean roast, the more intense the flavor, color and characteristic of the bean. It must go through the heat to get the right flavor.
If knowing how we prefer our cup of coffee, we may then go on a date percolating the perfect cup of coffee by adding a few ingredients to get the acquired taste. Remember man came from the ground (coffee). You’ll need to determine what are the elements required to get the taste you want to have a perfect cup of coffee, looking at yourself as being the espresso bean where boiling water is poured. You’ve heard it many times if you can’t stand the heat. Stay out the kitchen.

Ask Yourself:
Are you the espresso to be added to the right cup of coffee?
Espresso grounds are dark, tiny and concentrated. Only need a small amount as a result of its pressurized brewing process. By having nearly boiling water or steamed milk poured over its beans. It’s thicker in consistency compared to regular brewed coffee.

Do I want my Coffee Black?
Will you need to add cream or sugar if so, raw, cane or a modified sweetener?

Knowing these things first will save you from a pole-date. Don’t get caught up in the smell and remember it’s not Starbucks. It’s the stars, not the bucks that get the rewards. Don’t be the shining star without knowing what you want, which can open pathways for someone to Buck you!

A bean is a seed. Dried, roasted and ground, which you can plant and grow into a coffee tree if not processed.
The water pulls the flavor from the grounds, leaving the nasty tasting flavors behind. Be sure you’re able to extract the things you need to make you whole, by using a filtering process to grow a flowering life or deal with the heat from processing relationships that can leave you all grind up.

When you know what you want, you can leave out the bitter and go for the sweet!

The Kiss that sealed the Deal. You belong to me!

The Kiss or The Promise?
The Kiss or The Promise?

In the beginning was the words I love you, and I don’t want to live without you.   Will you marry me?  You happily said yes!  You planned the wedding, and before you could bat your eyes, you were standing there all teary eyed saying your vows to one another.  Shortly afterward you heard the words “now I pronounce you man and wife, you may kiss the bride.”  The kiss that sealed the deal and said you belong to me.

It’s nothing wrong with the kiss; the problem comes from the one giving the kiss more than the one reciprocating it.  If the mindset of the man believes you belong to him, there will be problems of expectation in your marriage.  These problems were there all along while dating. However, love is blind.  You only see how you want to feel, therefore overlooking the truth of your deeper feelings.  This feeling comes from a  message that pops up in your head, to alert you of what’s going on, it’s ignored hoping he or she will change or better yet, you’ll be capable of changing him or her.

Two to Five Years later

Years have gone by and to this union a child was born.  You’re preparing dinner, your husband is relaxing, and the baby cries.  Your husband shouts for you to get the baby and you shout back, “you do it, I’m cooking”  then you here, that’s’ not my job, it’s yours.  He continues by saying, he’s the one that’s bringing home the bacon.  Now you have the baby on your hips while you continue to prepare dinner, and he sits while you’re multi-tasking.


Many couples forget about it’s not the grand wedding when you’re still paying for a ceremony that has already ended with a divorce.   It’s not the kiss.  It wasn’t your first nor would it be the last.  It’s the lasting words that came from your mouth, supposedly from the heart.  Till death do us part.  Many couples create their vows just to be different, forgetting about them when the pressure builds in the marriage and walks away.   Many have said, action speaks louder than words.  When it comes to your vows, the words dictate the actions of both parties to come, therefore looking forward to the promise of every word that came from your mouth.  Your words are the bond that sealed the deal, not the kiss.  Now, how many liars do you know?

It’s the promise, not the ceremony.

Ephesians 3:16-19  (ERV) 

I ask the Father with his great glory to give you the power to be strong in your spirits. He will give you that strength through his Spirit.   I pray that Christ will live in your hearts because of your faith. I pray that your life will be strong in love and be built on love.  And I pray that you and all God’s holy people will have the power to understand the greatness of Christ’s love—how wide, how long, how high, and how deep that love is.   Christ’s love is greater than anyone can ever know, but I pray that you will be able to know that love. Then you can be filled with everything God has for you.

Crowning Glory comes From The King

Crowning Glory

Being crowned in His glory is not from the man that you’ve slept with, and not felt. Your crowning comes from the one that’s unseen, however, is felt. The crown of glory is not one made of diamonds and pearls. Created from knowing every tear you’ve cried, every prayer you’ve prayed, and every time not knowing how, when or where. Although not visual, you felt His crowning glory that comforted you. Secured your mind, with peace in your spirit to know that no prayer has gone unanswered and every tear caught in the palm of His hands opened a new path to direct you in a new way. To prepare yourself daily to know to learn to Love the one you cannot see teaches you how to Love the one you’re with or the one you so desperately seek to Love.

Isaiah 6:5  As a young man marries a young woman, so will your Builder marry you; as a bridegroom rejoices over his bride, so will your God rejoice over you.

Read the book Pole-Date or Soul-Mate read about Esther’s Story, how she gave her all to one man who abruptly walked out of her life, and never returned.   Volume One begins the story, and Volume Two continues it.

She Grumbles and Squawks When He Hits The Door.

Say Something. Don't hold it in. One of the things I would highly recommend not to do when your mate comes home is to argue with them immediately.  When this happens, it’s mostly coming from having an idle mind fixated on yesterday’s disagreements.  At least allow time for them to remove their coat and step away from the door.   What do you think will happen after shouting and name bashing?

Answer: Someone will seek a peace of mind elsewhere.

How would you handle this?
You decide to go to make a bank deposit, and the bank teller asks; If you would like your balance, and you said yes! It is the very moment you learned that the shared bank account was several digits off. Your partner typically made the deposits, and you never checked the bank balance, because you trusted and believed he/she would let you know of any concerns. This particular time he doesn’t.

A week passes by, and during this period your partner has asked: “if everything was okay”?
He could feel the strangeness going on between you and him. Several days pass, and you stop speaking. Your mind has taken in all sorts of answers to the missing money in the account. One day he walks in, and before he could lock the door you don’t ask about the bank account, you ask, how long has he been cheating? His eyes grow large, and he begins to growl, showing teeth of anger and shouts:

“What the hell are you talking about, cheating”? So he assumes you must be since you are the accuser.

Stay in a win/win mind frame.
When you attentively have empathy, you’ll win no matter what. There’s always a solution to overcoming challenges.

When we seek to understand, we win.

Proverbs 21:19

Better to live on a corner of the roof than share a house with a quarrelsome wife

It’s Not About The Date or Time; It’s The Present!

Power Of Right Now
Porn Star
The Power Of Right Now

It’s not about the date or time; It’s the PRESENT! It’s the Power Of Right Now! When your mindsets on the day and hour, well, then you believe there will always be a tomorrow. Take a look around you; they’re people that surround you today, that will not be around tomorrow. If they’ve consistently thought of ways to change their lifestyle and kept putting them off until tomorrow, they’ve just blown their chances to use, The Power of Right Now!

Put yourself in their shoes, and answer these simple questions:
What if there’s no tomorrow?

Would all your worries go away? No, that little weasel will appear, popping up from nowhere.

I just had a flashback, to the book of Matthew 13: 24 -29

When Jesus was telling the parable of the sower that sowed good seeds and while everyone was sleeping the enemy came along and planted weeds. When the wheat sprouted and formed heads, the weeds also appeared.

What instruction do you think were given to the worker sowing good seeds? Not to pluck the weeds, to let them grow and then pluck, bundle and burn them.  Read more here: Matthew 13: 29-30

Whenever you begin to think out of the box

The seeds planted are about what your heart desires to do.  If you’re holding on to second thoughts about doing them, they’re  the weeds. It’s okay to have these thoughts come along. As you’re moving towards doing what your heart has already planted, you’ll be able to stand back and remove the weeds, gather your thoughts by removing what doesn’t belong and nurture what does.

When we focus on the date and time, we restrict ourselves from planting,

Although there’s a time for everything under the sun and that time doesn’t have anything to do with the date or your watch, It’s the present; it’s truly all you have. Use your Power Of Right Now and overcome the weeds those second thoughts, negative surrounding, and hang out more with people like me!

Take Aways

How many ways do you look at something? Like the hourglass, so are the days of our lives.  The above-written words can apply to relationships as well.  If you’re hoping on a promise that’s not there, those are weeds (fear) hindering you from moving forward.  When we commit our lives to a relationship that appears to be growing without good seeds planted, our tomorrow doesn’t exist; it’s dying!

We remain in a mindset of not knowing what, until he or she walks out leaving us sinking in quicksand.  It’s real simple, don’t wait on him or her to make the promise.

Think about how long you’ve waited and why wait?

Do you feel as though your relationship is growing or dying?

If you’re in a relationship and want to leave, that’s your heart planting the seed for you to grow towards (purpose) growing bigger balls (courage)  to putting on your big girl panties and ease on down the road.

Any moment he/she can say

I love you; I’m not in love with you, and I don’t understand why?

He’s a Pole-Date.  That’s why!

Stay Powerful, Purposeful and Productive

Let’s Talk!

Walk Out. Shut The Door. Doesn’t Look Back.

The Evolving Woman In You.

How many doors have you walked out of and turned around to make sure the door was locked?
Or how many times have you looked back and not want to?
How can someone forget what happened to them in their past?

Our past is everything up until the present; they’re times shared with your partner, family, and friends. So, does it make sense to say don’t look back? No, it doesn’t.

What can you do to bring clarity to your previous relationship?
Especially if he or she exited hostile, or did you?

Everything about us lies behind us; no different from the footprints in the sand that’ll remain until the waves from the ocean wash them away.

Keep the good and learn from the rest.

I would recommend that you dance to the music you once ignored by taking a deeper look at yourself and admitting you were just as guilty as the other. It doesn’t matter who walked away first; it’s who has the bigger balls to forgive and at least try to forget. When situations occur with a family member, spouse, or partner, we must address the situation then. No different from hearing music that you like, and you begin to dance, you don’t dance after the fact. In failed relationships, no one wanted to dance and face the music while it was playing.

Instead, they put on their shades and earphones to plug themselves out instead of in. That’s when conversations should have taken place instead of silence. That’s when your eyes were open to what was going on, and you closed them.

Should you look back?

.Yes! To grow away from the past, you’ve left. Our past is who we are; it’s our story to tell. It’s how we’ve grown into the person we’re becoming. The more you can look back and not become angry the bigger and better you become.

Download file:  look back and grow exercise


The Eye of the Heart of the Blended Family and its due Respect

Blended FamilyMost of the times you can feel close to someone and then it turns out, you’re not close enough, though the eyes of the heart are wide open revealing what needs attention and yet, ignored.

Let’s talk about blended families.

When two people come together to have children, they’re apparently coming from a different bloodline. Often the blending of two DNA during the process of conceiving the genetic makeup of the embryo takes place by going deep within their bloodline.

Do you believe you were created based on the history and composition of your ancestors?
How is it determined who you are and how you’ll treat people as you develop in society?
Have you ever wondered why some children never smile and look angry and how some kids appear to be happy with a hug to show their affection? Could their personality development come from the mother’s experience during pregnancy?

When families come together blending that they know nothing about why do you think the roots from their genetic makeup will welcome you the way your heart embraces them, Vice Versa?

When Love is connected unconditionally, it should thrive without evidence of separating even though different blends.

I’m sure you already know

If you or your partner have children, you will never be their mother, Vice versa. Not saying, don’t treat them like they’re not your natural biological child. What’s another way to treat them? Like a step child?

When it’s blended, It’s respect.

I wouldn’t expect and don’t expect any more than respect from the blended. Remember it’s up to the primary root (Father or Mother) to nurture and blend in harmony.

When you’re happy in a relationship with someone who has children; if you step back and look at the eye of the heart, you’ll know that water and grease don’t mix.

Are you recently divorced with children?
Are your kids acting out?
Are you in a blended family with children?
Do you have children?
Does he or she have kids?
How do you feel?
Are you willing to step up to the plate when your child disrespect the absent parent’s role model?
Are you willing to step back and accept you cannot put your hands on other people children?

You can only demand respect!

When you take the issue to the primary root, step back and see how they handle it; the reactions will totally depend on their action taken.

If the child is young and growing, and is not connecting with you, the relationship can grow into hate if they’re not feeling a connection, or into trust, with the proper nourishment.

If their adult children well the same ingredients in the batter are in the crumbs.

You can only step back and let the eye of the heart reveal things that you may not want to view, but is necessary to know, how much nurturing the roots need from the vine where the blood flows that connects everyone.

For the life of the flesh is in the blood

Tips to embrace
Be careful who you have sexual relations with and take more time developing ties with partners with children. You may need to dig deep into their genetic makeup by observing their family members.

Do not eliminate the eyes of the heart that reveal more of a brighter picture, often to show if we’re blending in the right soil.

What’s your plan?
Keep God in it!

A Train Caused a Divorce Forty-Five Years later

Family that pray together stays together.She left on a Mississippi Train that Derailed Forty-Five years later with a Divorce. It makes you wonder after being married for so long, what didn’t he or she not do, that they could’ve done to save their marriage?

I understand how it feels to be on both sides, once going through a divorce myself and then witnessing my parent’s. I’ve felt the effects that a divorce could leave on a family. The divorce shouldn’t be a weapon of anger; it’s setting you free. If you’re free, you should be happy. Why become more bitter towards each other afterward? If you can’t see a reason to be more understanding and not living together, maybe you should have remained married. A divorce dissolves a problem and should not create additional ones, but they do. How can someone not stand to look at the woman or man they made promises too, once loved and would do anything for, to saying the words like I hate you.

It was cold and bitter during my parent’s divorce; only because we had to choose sides. Not saying we loved my mom over my dad, but supporting the one that had lived a life of a stay at home mother of six, that totally depended on her husband. So, therefore, my three sister’s and I had to transport her to the court as we sat on the bench several seats away from our dad. I use to dread going to court knowing that my dad probably thought we were divorcing him also.

How do I know?
It was easy to see the bitterness on his face. He would tremble while he forced the words from his mouth to say hello. Very painful. Although my mother was fortunate enough to live with my younger sister, my dad remained in the marital home. We continued to visit my father every Sunday, for years to mend our broken hearts. Although he questioned why we were still coming around, we kept praying and showing him how much we loved him, although he was trying to push us away.

As we continued to visit my dad, I could feel the once chilled air becoming warm. My father is 90 years old. Recently, as I was leaving I said:

“Dad, I love you” it finally slipped from his mouth, “I love you too”

As I exited his home, I took a deep breath as tears of gladness rolled out my eyes. I didn’t look back as I smiled thanking God saying, We’ve won!

Never give up on your love ones
Pray about it. Believe it can work. When people become bitter, you cannot become as they are. Someone has to be the bigger person to help guide them through their darkness, by becoming their light. You don’t have to say anything. Just perform miraculously from the heart to get through to theirs. Follow the light!

A Divorce Started with Butterflies

How does one totally walk away by divorcing the person that gave them butterflies? A feeling never felt before; one that had you question if it was love?  You were happy with all the flutters that led into the relationship that ended in a divorce.

The butterflies that gave you love signals flew away leaving you feeling empty inside.

How do you fill the void?

1. Without doubting, you must see yourself as a gift.
2. Look in the mirror and recognize you are the gift.
3. Ask yourself who’s deserving of your present as a gift or time?

It’s imperative to see you as a Gift of love. You must love yourself deeply no matter what flaws you may think you have. Altering your thinking from the way the world has pitted man and woman against one another to once loving and then hating after a breakup.

Now that the butterflies have flown away would you say it was love or a feeling of excitement that gave you butterflies?

Like a kid with a jar in hand to catch butterflies our eyes open in amazement when we see a beautiful butterfly as it quietly flaps its wings and lands on a flower.

What is it about the beauty of a butterfly?

I’d like to say it’s the changes it goes through to reach its full potential of beauty? From crawling on the ground as a caterpillar then shedding its skin several times.  Digesting itself and totally Evolving into an entirely new species. They’re many stages that must take place before the caterpillar metamorphoses into a butterfly.

Feel the butterflies by embracing the beauty within you by letting go and let God Evolve you into a new creature.